I could see him out in the field as I was walking Angel today, the neighbour boy trying to get his motorcycle started. He’s about 8 or 9 years old and he’s one of those boys who is always out on his pedal bikes with his buddies or playing in the mud puddles. His bike helmet has little spikes on it to look like a dinosaur and although most days he pays no notice of me walking by, the odd time he’ll say hello. It’s not that he’s rude. He is just too caught up in conversation with his friend to notice much else.
After about the 4 or 5th try on his motorcycle, his Dad, who’s been standing by watching, leans in. I suppose he provides some added instructions or guidance. Whatever it was, it does the trick and with that, the boy’s little dirt bike comes to life. He head off a little ways down the field and turns around. Dad stays put. He gets his phone ready to take a picture of his son as he comes barreling back at him and takes the small wooden jump they’ve build with expertise of someone who’s done it a few times. I laugh out loud. I’m a little jealous! It looks like fun. The little guys turns around and does it again. Dad squats down to get a better shot.
As I continue my walk I think about how many pictures I’ve taken of my kids. I know that the pictures that Dad took today will be posted on Facebook before the day is over. They will be shared with his buddies, his family and they will be proudly displayed as his background on his phone. As parents we do this all the time. We share the moments we are so proud of with the world. Our child’s first steps we catch on camera, the certificates from awards they get at school and the pictures of their first vehicle display publicly. I’ve posted pictures of my kids all dressed up looking beautiful. I’ve shown the world amazing rockets my son made and the gorgeous guitar my other son bought. I’ve made comments about their achievements and shown the world videos of their long practiced dance routines. Yet I have been reluctant to post when they’ve struggled. As parents we don’t typically post when our children fail, fall down, do it wrong or make a mistake.
That little guy today did not do that jump like that the first time he tried it. I am sure he’s fallen down a few times. I am sure it took practice and more practice to nail it. And that is the picture Dad will post the picture, the one where he nailed the jump. He won’t post a picture of the times that his son overcorrected and learned lessons about what happens when you do that. He won’t post a picture where his son is trying to figure out how to get the bike started when it wouldn’t start.
Yet, we learn from our mistakes. We learn from our failures. Practice makes perfect we’ve heard again and again. But as parents, we certainly don’t share with the world when we are not perfect. We don’t post on Facebook, “Hey world, my son failed a test because he didn’t study – p.s. That might have been because I was too busy to remind him to study” or “Guess what, my kid just moved out at 17 years old and isn’t done high school yet”. Instead we wait until we get it all figured out and sorted out and then we will tell the success story.
And this is where we do a disservice to ourselves, to other parents and to our children. All kids go through stuff. That does not mean we have failed as parents or that our children have failed. It means we are all learning. We are all perfecting.
So consider this thought, the next time you post about your kids or yourself. What mistakes did you have to make to get to the point of where you felt it was ok to post? What learning did you have to go through or your child go through to reach this place? It might not hurt to share a bit of that with the world.
Here is the thing, as parents, we are all going through it one way or another. None of us is perfect and we all have many things to learn. Sharing our learning with others takes a bit of that pressure off someone else to be perfect.
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